THE RIGHT BALANCE




BY RACHEL RENE BOYD


I'm going to miss seeing you, my Chi Epsilon Sigma sisters, again this month.
It always leaves an empty spot in my heart when I miss a chapter meeting.
I haven't been to a meeting since October, so I really wanted to be with you this month.

But a family get-together came up that same weekend. One of the things I promised
myself is that family will always come first. Several of us have written articles about
maintaining balance in our crossdressing lives. At the risk of being boring, I think it's
important that we continue to remind ourselves of what our priorities should be. We can't
let our crossdressing unduly interfere with our family lives, or we risk losing that which
is dearest to us. That sometimes makes for difficult decisions for us and our spouses.
For me, this is one of those times. I dearly want to come to each and every meeting.
Having missed five in a row, I feel I'm getting disconnected from my community.

So there is the strongest urge to tell the family I just can't make this birthday party
(after all, there will be others). Being a crossdresser is certainly an obsession that can
easily lead to self-destructive behaviors. Sometimes I catch myself thinking I would do
anything to be a woman. But that's not true. I won't give up my marriage, my family
or my economic security. So there you have it. Balance. We all have to balance that
internal urge to be the girl of our dreams with the reality of being husbands, fathers
and wage earners. But don't feel sorry for Rachel. She's been out plenty these
past few months. She's been going to other meetings, parties and had one
great time at Lake Erie Gala. Life is still wonderful even when we can't do it all.


This article first appeared in A Chesapeake Rose, the newsletter
of Tri-Ess chapter (Baltimore-Washington) of Chi Epislon Sigma.