LETTER TO A FRIEND



BY AMBER NICOLE RICHARDS


Hi Courtney: This may come to you as a little unexpected, or perhaps even
overdue, but in any event I felt I needed to send you a letter. I hope
it's not too impersonal, but I find that this is the easiest way to say what I
want to say without getting lost and forgetting some key points.
We have been spending quite a bit of time together by virtue of Ted and Sarah,
and I don't know if we'll ever be more than friends, but there is something
about me that I feel you need to know. Please bear with me as I usually
find the longest and most roundabout way to get to what I am trying to say.

There are quite a few things I would like to explain about myself, but one
thing in particular prompted me to write this letter and several others
just like it to my family and closest friends in the past. I don't
know if Sarah has talked to you about it yet, but I'm pretty sure she
hasn't, so let me just get to the point: I am a transvestite. No, seriously, I
am. Unfortunately, I'm not using my twisted sense of humor to try to make
you laugh. I am a transvestite; some people are more comfortable with the
term crossdresser. It sounds less clinical, but it essentially means
the same thing: I am a man who enjoys wearing women's clothing.
Let's hit the big questions first:

1. “So, does that mean you're gay?”

“No, I am not gay. I am, however, bisexual. Some people would argue that means
I am gay, but attraction is a fickle thing. I am secure enough in who and what
I am to admit I am attracted to men and women (and have enjoyed sex with both)."

I honestly believe that more people could and would enrich their lives by
opening their minds and hearts to the possibility of gender-less
attraction. I personally am attracted to femininity, particularly
feminine women. I have a very deep appreciation for women and often feel more
comfortable around them than I ever did with other guys. I use the word
“femininity” as a broad term to encompass a myriad of qualities that
I look for in a person, such as sensitivity, compassion, humor,
open-mindedness and most importantly, an undeniable fervor for shopping.

2. “Do you want to get a sex change?”

“No, I am happy with my body the way it is and I'm perfectly happy being a man.
I just like to feel like a woman sometimes, too. If you would have asked me that
question a couple of years ago, I might not have been so quick to answer.
For a long time I thought I would be happier and my life would be easier if I
were to become a woman. It's a very confusing and difficult thing to grow
up with, thinking that you may have been born with the wrong body. I've felt
this way for as long as I can remember, but maturity has brought me a level of
understanding and acceptance of myself. Now I only wish to enjoy that same
acceptance from those around me. I can't explain why I like the things I do,
but we can't choose the things we like. This might sound silly at first, but if
you think about it we really don't have any power over the things we
like. We just like what we like and I am not afraid to admit the things I
like are traditionally considered feminine. My favorite color is pink,
but I like most pastels. I love makeup, long fingernails and have an artistic
appreciation for both when they are applied well. I love the feel of long
hair along the sides of my face and on my neck and shoulders. Dresses and
skirts are so much more fun and comfortable than pants, and while definitely
not more comfortable, I absolutely love to wear high-heel shoes. I collect
unicorns and Pegasus, porcelain dolls, silk flowers and formal gowns. You will
undoubtedly think this is silly, but I own three wedding gowns that I will
sometimes wear around the house, just because I love the way I feel
when I wear them (the ultimate feminine high). My mom says that she wishes she
could wear stuff like that more often, and it just occurred to me: I wonder if real girls
have the urge to put on a wedding dress and wear it around the house just because
they love the way they feel when they wear it. Like, would they do it if no one was home?
I think the thing that confuses people the most is that I like to go out in public and be
seen dressed as a woman. A lot of people seem to think, “What you do behind
closed doors is your business, but you have no right to wear that stuff out in public!”

Well, why not? What is so bad about it really? I am not harming anyone.
I am not forcing my ideas or way of life on anyone. I simply want to go out
wearing what feels most comfortable to me and not be hassled about it.
I'm not trying to confuse anyone, deceive them or trick them into thinking
I'm really a woman (although it is incredibly flattering when they can't tell.)
I just want to be left alone, to go about my business, whether it be shopping,
sitting down for a meal or enjoying a movie. Is that too much to ask?

Well, I managed to ramble on for quite a while, but I hope I answered some
of the questions that undoubtedly popped into your head. I'm sure there are
many more I didn't answer; I hope you're not too weirded-out by this to talk
about it. I'll be more than happy to honestly answer any question you have.

Talk to you soon,

Love, Amber