PASSING THOUGHTS




BY MELINA STEVENS

There are several Web pages where crossdressers discuss passing in
public as a woman. Like some girls, I feel as though I can pass from a
distance, but not if I have to talk to someone. In any event, there's always
room for improvement. To pass, there are numerous things to do and not
do. Here are some suggestions I think are best to follow when you’re out:

Be confident
Most crossdressers can't fool all of the people all of the time. So if we can
fool most of the people most of the time, we're doing a great job. Don't worry
about being read. It's going to happen someday, somewhere. I've learned
that most people don't pay that much attention to other folks in public
(especially if they fit in). So if you're confident in your acting ability and bury
yourself in the role (just keep repeating, “I am a woman, I am a
woman”), you should be fine. Crossdressing, after all, is make believe.

JoAnn Roberts says passing is 10 percent makeup and 90 percent attitude.
She's right! Just take that look off your face. Yes, you know, the guilty look
that says to the world: “I'm a guy in a dress.” Wipe it off your face (it's
hard) and you will fool a whole lot more people than you ever could imagine.

Dress the part
I've seen this tidbit over and over. Don't wear a mini-skirt and high heels
to the mall on Saturday afternoon when most women are wearing slacks, jeans
and a pair of Steve Madden sandals. Just think how you would react if someone
wore a tuxedo to the beach. Unless you're not worried about being read,
wear whatever you'd like. The more realistic you look, the greater doubt you'll
place in people's minds. Hey, I've seen real women in the mall and did a double
take, because they looked like men. Since it's rude to ask someone their sex
(remember Saturday Night Live's Pat), it probably won't happen to you. And if
you are detected, more than likely the person will smile. Be happy. Trust me,
you're probably the highlight of their day and tonight’s dinner conversation topic !

At Lake Erie Gala in November 1999, I ventured into a straight place for the first
time in years. Prior to that, it was almost always gay or lesbian establishments -
or taking a walk down the street. I did go shopping in JC Penny's and Lerner's
once at the Coral Ridge Mall in Fort Lauderdale more than a decade ago. More
recently, I had my nails done at a salon in Fort Lauderdale. I just called them
up, told them I was a crossdresser and made an appointment. Later that night I
had dinner at a restaurant on Las Olas Boulevard in Fort Lauderdale, strolled
along the street window shopping afterwards and then stopped in at a trendy
coffee shop. Some people read me. Most didn't, either because they weren't
paying attention or weren't on the look out for a man in women's clothing
(it's amazing just how many people these days just don't do that anymore).

Anyway, on Saturday at the gala, Laura Stone, a Buffalo girl, wanted to
get her nails done at a salon. Marsha mentioned a place where she got hers done
and we were off. Granted, we knew they were OK with crossdressers, but we didn't
know how we'd be treated. We went in, asked to get our nails done and no one said
a word. My Korean technician didn't speak any English, so perhaps that was why.
As I sat there, though, a child played nearby with her mom. I had read stories
about how children are the hardest to fool. I didn't stare at her and stayed in
character. As far as I know, the little girl didn't read me. But so what if she
did? She at least was quiet about it. In any event, getting my nails done was
something I've always wanted to do. It was fabulous. I had acryllic tips put
on. I kept waiting for them to come off, like fake my nails do. They didn't, of
course. I hated to have to remove them the next day. When I went to Lake
Erie Gala 2001, I had my nails done early and kept them on for four days.

Amber, a girl from Pittsburgh, went shopping in Erie's MillCreek Mall on Saturday
and said some people read her (she's tall), but otherwise paid little attention.
Remember, they probably feel more uncomfortable than you. So act confident,
like you belong and say to yourself, “Yes, I'm a woman, you gender-confused ditz.”

Don't fret
You'll pass a lot better if you stop worrying about what someone else may
think. In the 1980's a local newspaper columnist here dressed up as a woman,
went to the Galleria Mall and wrote a story. No one paid much attention to
him, and let me tell you, he was one ugly creature. We'd spot him instantly.
Most people ignored him. Relax and go out! A girl's got to have fun!

Practice makes perfect
Practice with make-up, learn to become fashionable, watch other women, see how
they walk and move their arms. Become a student of the female species and it'll
help your overall feminine look. The ironic aspect about dressing down to go to
a mall is that crossdressers love dressing up. Remember, if your objective is
to pass, play the part and dress the part. Go to the mall on Saturday and
you'll see almost all the women there dressed casually. If you drive to the mall
and chicken out, don't worry and for God's sake don't feel guilty about it.
Just vow to try again. Being a woman takes courage, especially if you're a guy.